Logged In
by Ying Fa Xang
Summary: What happens in an online chat, stays in an online chat... Or at least it should. Crack fic/Oneshot.


I kinda felt like absolute crap, so I wrote this to help me feel better, so it's totally okay if you don't think it makes much sense. It's rated for potty mouths, and many sexual insinuations. **SERIOUSLY!** If you're offended by cursing and… awkward sexual innuendos, DON'T READ! Otherwise.. Enjoy.

**Update:** So some scary *beep* wrote a comment saying my story would be removed if I didn't edit the format into something FFN accepts. So it's been rewritten slightly from the texting format.. Sorry guys. -_-

Disclaimer - I don't BRS. She's property of Huke, and Studio Ordet.

* * *

**Black Stone Castle is online.**

**Little Bird is online.**

BSC said, "Yomi!" ^O^

LB said, "Mato, what's up?"

BSC said, "My ceiling."

LB said, "...That joke's so old, it has wrinkles."

BSC said, "I still think it's funny. :\ Whatcha doin'?"

LB said, "Homework. **One ****of us** has to finish school."

BSC said, "I do my homework! …Sometimes."

LB said, "Sure… So how's your brother?"

BSC said, You mean mom's_ second_ accident? I shoved a grape up his nose. Which he blew out, and it almost hit me in the eye.

LB said, "…" O_o

BSC said, "It's not nearly as weird as it sounds. We turned it into a sporting event!" :D

LB said, "…I'm so glad I'm an only child."

**Orange Hulk is online.**

BSC said, "Yuu, what's up?"

OH said, "My ceiling."

LB said, "Oh good grief…"

OH said, "What're you guys talkin' about?"

LB said, "I'm doing homework. Mato's shoving grapes up her brother."

OH said, "Hmm, wouldn't banana's work better?"

LB said, O_O

BSC said, "I'm not using the grapes like that, Yuu!" DX

OH said, Really? Well, just to let you know, bananas really do work better… Or cucumbers.

LB said, SUBJECT CHANGE! Yuu, did you finish your homework yet?"

BSC said, "Wow, can you be anymore obsessed with school?"

LB said, "Better than being obsessed with boobs, like _some_ people!"

OH said, "Homework? I did half. Saya said she do the rest for me if I brought dinner tonight."

BSC said, "Lucky. And I'm not obsessed with boobs!" DX

LB said, "You are."

OH said, "You **so** are."

BSC said, "I AM NOT!"

LB said, "Mato, if I single yen for every time I caught you peeping at another woman's breasts, I'd be… even richer."

OH said, "It's like her eyes have some sort of homing signal for them, you know?"

BSC said, "Know what? Screw both you bitches."

LB said, "Been there, done that." :\

OH said, "Uh, maybe later?"

BSC said, -_-

**Sweet's & Macarons has logged in.**

S&M said, "S'up bitches?"

BSC said, "KAGARI?!"

LB said, "Evening."

OH said, "Yo!"

BSC said, "How the hell did you get the password for my chat room?!"

S&M said, "Yuu gave it to me."

BSC said, "WHAT?! YUU!"

OH said, "Sorry Mato, she kinda bribed me for it." :\

BSC said, "For the love of mercy…"

S&M said, "So what's everyone talking about?"

OH said, "Yomi's doing homework and Mato's shoving grapes up her brother."

S&M said, "…Wouldn't a cucumber work better?"

OH said, "That's what I told em'."

LB said, "Oh god, not this again!"

BSC said, "That's not what I'm using the grapes for, I swear!" DX

S&M said, "A vibrating tooth brush works well too."

OH said, "Seriously?"

S&M said, "What? You mean I'm the only one who's tried it?"

BSC said, "…Guilty." :)

LB said, "Ooookay moving on, what are you doing now Kagari?"

S&M said, "Surfing the /u/ board. Someone posted [this] yesterday."

_CLICK!_

BSC said, "OMG! YOMI, IT'S US!" O_O

LB said, "OH GOD! OH GOD NO! DAMN IT MATO YOU PROMISED ME WE WERE ALONE WHEN I DID THAT!"

BSC said, "We were alone! Who would be dumb enough to follow us onto the school's roof and watch that?!"

OH said, "Clearly someone was."

S&M said, "Yomi never did that for me…" :( "Mato I hate you!"

BSC said, "Feeling's mutual bitch." -_-

LB said, "BACK ON TOPIC! MY BARE ASS IS PLASTERED ALL OVER THE INTERNET DAMNIT!"

OH said, "Relax Yomi, your head's under Mato's skirt, so no one can tell it's you. Everyone can see Mato though."

S&M said, "Looks like she was having fun too..." :(

BSC said, "I did." :D

LB said, "Oh man if my parents find out about this, they're gonna cut my allowance! It's last month all over again!"

S&M said, "Last month?"

BSC said, "Yomi's dad walked in on us."

OH said, "Parents are such kill joys, huh?"

S&M said, "I can't believe it! You two were going at it all this time, and you didn't even invite me?!"

BSC said, "As if."

LB said, "Lord, just kill me now!"

**Loli Lover has logged in.**

LL said, "Hey girls!"

OH said, "Saya-chan!"

BSC said, "DAMN IT! HOW'D YOU GET MY PASSWORD?!"

LL said, "Yuu-chan of course." : )

BSC said, "Damn it Yuu!" DX

OH said, "Sorry Mato." :\

BSC said, "It's bad enough I have to see her in school; I don't want this loli-collecting freak in my chat too!"

LL said, "Hey, you've got your hobbies, and I have mine! Speaking of which, you like the pic I posted of you and Yomi on the /u/ board?"

LB said, "OMG! THAT WAS YOU?"

LL said, "Yep, and there's more where that came from!" X3

BSC said, "Can I have copies?!"

LB said, "YOU BITCH! TAKE IT DOWN NOW! AND BURN THE REST WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!"

LL said, "No chance. You could probably buy em' off me. I know you can afford it." :)

LB said, "Black mailing pedo!"

LL said, "Gimme a break, Yuu's gotta go to college somehow."

BSC said, "I'LL BUY EM'!" :D

LB said, "No Mato!"

BSC said, "Aww.. but… I want em'!"

S&M said, "What are doing Saya-chan?"

LL said, "Watching that Gangnam Style video that's so popular right now."

BSC said, "lol! Don't you mean Condom Star?" XD

OH said, "I thought that video was confusing". :\

S&M said, "I thought it was just plain stupid. Like Twilight…"

LB said, "I found it trashy and perverted, I'm surprised it's not dead yet. I mean it's been over a month now, right? How long can one fad last?"

LL said, "Word going around says some American pop-royal wants to learn the dance moves. I've got a feeling this fad could go on for quite a while."

BSC said, "Personally I wasn't very fond of it. Too many heteros."

LL said, "Heh, I agree. But at least it put a stop to that shitty "Call Me Maybe" crap the Americans have been pushing."

LB said, "Ughh, couldn't stand that one either."

LL said, "You seem to hate everything these days, don't you Takanashi-san? Care to talk about it?"

LB sad, "I don't hate everything!"

BSC said, "Yeah, she loves me!" :)

LB said, "…More or less."

LL said, "You sure? You have been pretty edgy lately."

OH said, "It's probably just sexual tension. Clearly Mato's not giving her enough."

LL said, "Oh, I assure you, Kuroi-kun can give just as much as she takes. I got the pics to prove it." :P

LB said, "EVERYONE GET HELL OUTTA MY SEX LIFE! Look, after pretending I love my parents every morning, pretending I love my school work during the day, and trying to actually love Mato every night, I got nothing else left to give!" -_-

S&M said, "Not even for me?" T^T

LB said, "Nope."

S&M said, "Hate you more Mato!"

BSC said, "Just suck it."

OH said, "Suck what exactly? Yomi's only givin' it to you apparently."

S&M said, "WHYYYYY!" T^T

LL said, "Aww no worries Izuriha-san. Remember if you're lonely, you can always come to me for comfort." ;)

S&M said, "…Can I be on top this time?

BSC said, "Saya, get someone your own age to screw!"

LL said, "Well, I've been with Mrs. Takanashi every now and again, but the young ones are my favorite." :)

LB said, "OMG! I did **not** need to know that!" DX

S&M said, "Yomi's mom? How the hell did _that_ happen?"

LL said, "Well, it's a funny story…"

LB said, "WE'RE NOT INTRESTED!"

S&M said, "I am."

BSC said, "I sure as hell am."

OH said, "Me too!"

LL said, "Ok! Apparently Mr. Takanashi's been using his wife as a beard for the past 5 years to carry on his office tryst with his male assistant."

BSC said, "I knew he was gay." :)

S&M said, "I kinda knew too." :\

LB said, "Oh lord…" -_-

OH said, "You never knew Yomi?"

LB said, "Of course I knew, but we don't talk about those sorts of things! My dad pays me once a week and I don't ask questions about any of the illegal or faulty products his company pushes. It's a mutual give-&-take relationship we've developed!"

LL said, "_Anyway_, I found her sobbing her heart out, and invited her out for drinks. One thing led to another and the next thing I know I'm thumbing her under my coffee table. You wouldn't believe the smut that can come from that woman's mouth." :)

BSC said, "Hah! You wouldn't believe the smut that can come from _Yomi's_ mouth!" XD

LB said, "Quite Mato! And how's that even possible?! My mom's a prude!"

LL said, "She'll do it if she's had enough to drink. And I know this because after 3 glasses of shōchū she did! BTW Yomi, I showed your mom that pic of you and Mato. She thinks you might be doing it wrong. She says you're not using enough tongue." :D

LB said, X_X

BSC said, "I thought she used it pretty well." :D

LB said, "AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS CHAT THAT'S NOT A PERVERT?!"

S&M said, "Yomi not a pervert? Shall I tell them about that time with the macarons?" ._.

LB said, "Kagari, I only did that once, and that was just so you'd let me have a free joy ride in your wheelchair!"

S&M said, "And what a joy ride it was for us both." :)

BSC said, "The hell? Why didn't anyone tell me?!"

S&M said, "Cuz I hate you."

LL said, "Congrats Kuroi-kun, your order has been approved!"

BSC said, "Yay!" XD

LB said, "What order?"

LL said, "Kuroi-kun just paid for all the photos I took, with her mom's paypal."

LB said, "MATO, I TOLD YOU NO!"

BSC said, "But, they're memories! I'm gonna add em' to my scrap book." :)

LB said, "Fork em' over and I'll buy you those yuri manga's you've been wanting. You know, the ones in the over 18 section?"

BSC said, "Deal!" XD

LL said, "So, what were you girls doing before I logged in?"

S&M said, "Yomi was doing homework; Mato was shoving weird fruits up her brother."

LL said, "Banana's or cucumbers?"

LB said, "NO! FOR THE LOVE OF MERCY! NOT AGAIN! PLEASE!"

**Coach from Hell is online.**

LL said, "Welcome Kohata-kun!"

BSC said, "Kohacchi-senpai!"

CFH said, "What's everyone talkin' about?"

S&M said, "Where do we even begin…" -_-

LL said, "How about with [this]?" X3

_CLICK!_

CFH said, "Takanashi-san, I think you're doing it wrong. You're not using enough tongue."

LB said, "If one more person comments me on my performance, I swear.."

CFH said, "Hmm, Mato's legs aren't wide enough either… Ace! Get on the floor and give me 100 squats, then 200 lunges! I want you limber for the next time!"

BSC said, "Yes coach!" XD

**Black Stone Castle is offline.**

LB said, "This is too much. I'm gonna drown my sorrows in ice cream, and then I'm going to bed."

S&M said, "Want some macarons too?" :D

LB said, "No. Dear God no. Not. Another. Macaron. EVER AGAIN!"

**Little Bird is offline.**

S&M said, "Yomi…" T^T

**Sweets & Macarons has logged out.**

OH sad, "I'mma hit the hay too. Night guys!"

CFH said, "Night!"

LL said, "Nighty night!"

**Orange Hulk is offline.**

LL said, "Well that just leaves you and me Kohata-kun."

CFH said, "Uhh yeah, I finally got the money ready. Can I have those pictures you took of me and Takuu?"

LL said, "Lol, afraid Takuu already out bid you my dear! He said something about turning one of them into his new body pillow or something."

CFH said, "…I'm not sure whether to be flattered or creeped out." -_-

LL said, "BTW, can I ask you a personal question?"

CFH said, "Shoot." :)

LL said, "…Why do you only like boys?" :'(

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**A/N-** Know what? …I'm not even sorry for this. XD


End file.
